AT the launch of their £20 million Bognor Regis Ocean Hotel, Butlins reported trade was up by 10 per cent on last year - itself a “bumper” period. While cash-strapped families staying closer to home must account for a significant part of this improved fortune, Linda Jones wonders how much of it is down to new visitors lured by the likes of Diversity and Eoghan Quigg.
And, as the unveiling of the spa hotel signals the biggest move yet to forget any ‘hi-de-hi’ image, does the entertainment measure up?
YEARS ago at a Welsh caravan park, me and my dad watched someone called – if memory serves me right – Uncle Paul – try and fail to fight his way out of a sack.
The botched escapologist act was one of the funniest things I had ever seen. Tears rolled down our cheeks – along with the rest of the audience – as the poor soul’s muffled cries sounded out.
There were a couple of half-hearted countdowns while he was trapped by what looked like little more than two bicycle locks before an apologetic colleague ambled on with a key and it was all over.
Except it wasn’t. The surreal scenario has lived on in my memory ever since. I never thought it could be matched.
But a couple of weeks ago, as I sampled the fantastic accommodation at Butlins new Ocean Hotel, a certain cheeky chappie from the X Factor came close to surpassing Uncle Paul’s underwhelming feat.
After one hell of a build-up Chico emerged triumphant, dressed like something out of Private Benjamin crossed with the A Team, before breaking into his eponymous hit.
That’s this one in case you have forgotten. But then, how could you?
Thing was, It took him three attempts. Twice he froze, momentarily clueless as his backing track stalled. Amid silence punctuated by nervous laughter (make that huge cackles from me) Chico looked from left to right, then from right to left, wondering what to do next.
Believe me, it was comedy gold, worthy of any blooper-type TV show. And I ’m sorry if that sounds cruel, I don’t mean to be. Chico was a brilliant showman, a sort of Kwik Save Robbie Williams if you will – and he provided fabulous entertainment – with or without the false starts.
He sang, he chatted, he danced, he told the audience about Positive Mental Attitude, about how inspired he was by his audiences and how delighted he was to be performing. He advised the children right at the front to do as their Mum and Dad told them and he played his new song called Crazy, saying it was for the men in the audience as they were all crazy about their wives, partners or girlfriends.
It was a lovely song in a lovely set. Some would say it was a cheese fest. They would be right. But we relished every minute. Perhaps it was the cider but I particularly enjoyed Crazy and hope it’s a massive hit.
Before Chico strutted his stuff, Eoghan Quigg was on. Our daughters joined the screaming fans at the front and the young Irish heart throb belted out the hits that won him so many votes on the X Factor and more besides.
He said he couldn’t believe that here he was performing in the sorts of Butlins venues his parents had taken him to as a youngster. Reflecting on his achievements since the X Factor, compared to those of JLS – you couldn’t help believing him but perhaps for different reasons.
Still, he looks set for a successful showbiz career, albeit more Ray Quinn than Robbie, for the time being, so good luck to him. He didn’t appear to be enjoying it as much as Chico (who could?) but again, the crowd loved him.
The amount of people we saw sporting Eoghan T-shirts the next day underlined what a popular choice he was. That’s not to mention the massive queue for photos with the two stars after their sets – also joined by Emily and Melissa and you can see the resulting picture above.
The next night, we ventured into the Centre Stage again. This time we were in search of Andrew Browning as George Michael. I was convinced this was the rightful arena for such a talent.
But no, a slapstick act called Circus Hilarious was entertaining the capacity crowd. There was a bloke wearing a terrible wig, doing an exaggerated Chinese accent and mannerisms. It was going down a storm. It made me wince a little.
Then another performer came on, in an even worse wig, this time doing an impression of Stevie Wonder: ”And now I would like to play you my latest hit, I just called to say I love you, but I can’t see you tonight…’
Later, when he got up to walk from behind his piano, he fell off the stage.
It was the sort of act you could have seen 10, 20 or 30 years ago. The audience was loving the quickfire madcap antics. Grandparents, parents and kids were screaming with laughter. As the act came to a close, people were on their feet, yelling for more. You can see more, courtesy of YouTube here:
Still, we made a hasty exit to catch a glimpse of the George Michael tribute act and found him in Reds, a smaller venue with in our little corner at least, on the night we visited, a faint whiff of stale beer about it. Quite a contrast from the hotel.
Andrew Browning as George Michael was great. Me and Emily bopped away. At one point we joined a redcoat sitting on the floor to bust some moves like you used to do to Oops Upside Your Head. I’m not sure why but it was great fun. We wondered if Andrew had been on Stars in their Eyes and the quickest of looks at his website confirms he was in 1996.
I woke up cheerily singing I’m your man the next morning to be greeted by reports of a bleary-eyed George in the papers after shunting into a lorry driver. What a strange world we live in.
That night’s entertainment confirmed what a weird world it is, as we savoured the V is for Variety show at The Centre Stage. Here’s a video of the opening at a previous Butlins production:
The show, performed by an energetic and talented team of redcoats was by turns stirring, odd, honestly brilliant and mediocre. I would gladly sit through parts again, especially the Rolling Stones segment and the African Acrobats who got the biggest cheer.
Other elements – including unfunny videos from Posh and Becks impersonators and a strange James Bond mish mash of a sequence featuring a disturbing looking moggie via video were beyond bizarre.
I’m not the world’s biggest fan of performing animals so that night’s incumbent ‘stars’ of Britain’s Got Talent – Kate and Ginn – left me cold. Throw in the fact the dog was now dancing to the Timewarp and I couldn’t watch. Acts from the smash hit TV series over the last two years are woven into each performance of V is for Variety. Unfortunately that meant I spent the whole of the second half longing for Stavros Flatley.
Even winners Diversity and George Sampson have been wowing Butlins crowds this year and the line up is set to continue until October. You can see full details here.
It’s a far cry from the much-loved, traditional holiday camp entertainment remembered so fondly by nostalgia fans (and I’m one of them!) at the fascinating Butlins Memories site.
So does the entertainment match up to the brand spanking new hotel? On the whole yes – just look at the array of stars from two top TV shows. And if you don’t want to watch the sort of act that Bobby Davro, Freddie Starr or The Grumbleweeds would have cruised their way through 30 years ago or watch someone from Stars in their Eyes, just choose your venues wisely, unlike me. Study your Infunmation Guide and go where you most fancy.
Of course I have only reported so far on the evening entertainment. The days are also packed with shows, and activities. There’s also a great climbing wall which our children loved, along with a sort of minature version of Go Ape, plus fencing, street dancing, archery and all that malarkey. Some of the other bloggers sampled rubbing shoulders with the likes of Pingu and loved it.
Also, be prepared to queue if you want to see the ‘biggest name’ acts. For ages. I didn’t mind as I, as ever got talking to someone. We waited an hour and a half for Chico and Eoghan.
Don’t forget the redcoats either. As well as V is for Variety, we also watched their enthusiastic yet polished version of Sleeping Beauty. It was engaging, fun and very professionally done – better than some pantos we have paid to go and see.
And as the redcoats on MC duty seamlessly joked, laughed and mingled with the packed Centre Stage audience, I was just pleased there wasn’t an Uncle Paul in sight.
* Find full details of what’s on here.
See our video of our room at Butlins Ocean Hotel here.
* Coming very soon – a round up of parent bloggers’ reports of the Ocean Hotel launch!
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